Hunie has been obsessed by God and death lately. As Tingu broke the
damn on this topic around the same age or younger, I feel much more at ease
with the fact this little dude is discussing it. However, Hunie’s vivid
descriptions of death are a far cry from Tingu’s scientific explanations. I am
attributing this to Jesus Camp, where the concept of hell seemed to be
introduced in some manner. Jesus Camp
(not the real name!) was actually a very well regarded camp full of outdoor activities
and games but with a Christian theme. For the most part, it was terrific. The
kids loved it.
However when you have a kid like Hunie, who has an explosive
imagination and has been brought up reading stories of Hanuman, the monkey god,
has a brother who disqualifies all facets of religion but is creating
experiments nonstop and then is sent to Jesus camp for a week, you are going to
get some good stories. If he ever becomes a movie producer, I am taking credit
for this summer as the catalyst that started it all.
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| Hanuman, protector against all evil, is said to be the son of the Wind God and a cursed Angel. |
Also given the fact, that we seemed to have moved into the
wild kingdom, we see a lot of…shall we say, ‘circle of life’ events….from the
genocide of a whole clutch baby wolf
spiders to deer that impale themselves on our fences. The genocide was all me
and I do feel bad for it but
Holy God (no pun intended), I saw this massive
spider walking across the veranda. We thought it was a small bird at first – it
was seriously that big! As we went to investigate, the spider keeled over and
died from the strong layer of insecticide we keep around the perimeter of
house. If you come visit, don’t let your babies lick my doorsteps. Anyway, I
got a broom to sweep the spider away and
as I did, a shower of tiny particles flew off it in every direction. Before I
could even rationalize what it was, the particles started crawling about and we
(Chubbers & I) shrieked and ran inside where I grabbed the kid-friendly
(?!) industrial insecticide and sprayed those suckers to well, hell. I do feel bad and am making a concerted
effort to look into organic gardening as an alternative but it was FREAKY. And
in term of circle of life in the wild kingdom, we now have an increase in ants
who are eating the dead bugs. I am buying ant killer tonight. Life in the wild
kingdom can be brutal for all involved but at least I got heated floor tiles.
Anyway back to the topic of hell, which is where I am for surely going.
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| Our wildlife : 1. The cutest baby lizard ever (2.) Moths playing "leap frog" (3.) Big arm-sized Turtle which almost snapped my finger off (4.) Red-eyed flesh fly (don't worry, sounds bad but isn't) (5.) Wolf spider (6.) Dead Blue bottle fly (7.) The snail that definitely wasn't Turbo. |
B calls me at work:
B: “Hey, what’s up?”
Me: “ Oh, you know the usual.” (he never calls me at work so this is all unusual)
B : “Hey so, a deer has impaled itself on our fence.”
Me: “What?! Are you kidding me?! Now?! Send me a picture.”
(texts a blurry picture of green)
Me: "I can’t see anything, get closer.”
B: “No way, there are
some massive birds out there.”
Me: “ Get out there and be a good investigative reporter………don’t
let them scratch your head.”
B (grumbling): “ It really stinks! If I get attacked by the
birds….”
Me: "Wow that is a big bird !"
Me: “Oouf! Goodness, that had to hurt.”
B: “ Who do I call?”
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| Due to the graphic content I kept size of this pic small. You're welcome! |
After attempting to make this a problem of the city (they
said no) I had to resort to goggling
‘dead deer removal’. I was a bit surprised by the number of services in our
city. Of course, the man’s name was
Verron. Though it actually ended up being her
name. Not that surprised, right? Me either.
B: "Alright so I called Verron and they are going to remove
the deer and dispose of it."
Me: "Will they sanitize the fence afterwards?"
B: "Are you serious?! Yeah, I will tell them to Lysol it."
Me: "No, really tell them to clean it. I don't want deer guts on the fence. Also where do they
dispose of it?"
B: "I don’t know! The deer cemetery."
Me: "Can we go with them? We could do a Cosby-style goodbye to the deer....for the kids."
B: silence
Me: "You know, a little deer funeral?"
B: more silence
B: "You should go back to work."
The kids were seemingly unphased by the passing of the deer.
For the record, the deer had many escape options as we have made deliberate efforts to avoid this kind of tragedy. This was pure and simple
Darwinism at work. Moral of the story: Don’t panic, you will self-impale. Huns
didn't buy this or the subsequent explanation of Darwinism. “The deer is in heaven.” Well, that is good, as
up till now I only thought he knew about hell.
It went downhill from there. “
He is with Jesus and his astronauts.”
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| This drawing was of Jesus and children of all races around the world holding hands. Through the Hunie filter, it became Jesus in space on the cross with his astronaut buddies. To avoid an equally undesirable state of being , Hoons equipped the astronauts with proper oxygen-providing space suits. |
Usually while eating a wonderful dinner in the sunlight with
his parents, grandparents and brother, the only thing missing from this idyllic picture is a golden retriever,
Hunie will come to us with the following nuggets on passing:
1.
“The best way to die is when you get old and go
to sleep and die. The worst is to be stabbed in the heart.”
2.
“Don’t worry about that Nani. You will definitely
be dead by then.” We all almost died right there choking on our dinner in shock
and amusement.
3.
“Zombies will suck your brains out when you die
and walk around the streets”. Great, thanks Hoons.
4.
“I won’t kill anything (thoughtfully looks at
the chandelier) expect Nazis”. History lessons combined with Indiana Jones
gone wrong.
and then he improv-ed a rather lethal version of 'Rain, Rain, Go Away', which this summer, is warranted :
Stabbed in the Heart from
burnbright on
Vimeo.
Tingu thinks the idea of hell is ludicrous. Hunie however
was apprehensive and dare I say, perhaps a tepid believer. Oh, if only I could harness that belief - how I would love
to use this to get him to do my bidding. Hey,
hey, I think I'm onto something....
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